Wisdom: Understand, Then Be Understood.

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Proverbs 4:7 - Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

In life we all have to deal with people and an array of ideas and beliefs. Wisdom is essential in how we interact and make choices, or decisions, in dealing with people and the choices they make. Whether they be strangers, acquaintances or even family members, we must deal with the choices  they make. God has given us the virtue of wisdom so we may make the right choices that will direct our lives for the good of ourselves and others. Wisdom is acquired and we need to practice it to be better at it.

Thus the term 'Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood' has been brought forth and is one of the foundations, I think, of wisdom and how we can make it a part of our everyday lives.

Steven R Covey puts it best:

Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right?

If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.  

There are two sides to every story. Some give a different perspective on what you might think about a certain idea or experience. It may even change your mind about the subject at hand. Others, however may give the same story from a different perspective and will strengthen your perspective. But at least you sought to understand first and did not have a knee-jerk reaction. If you make your mind up without understanding the full story, then you are making a dreadful mistake. I have learned this many times and found that after listening to both sides to the story I can make a better decision or choice.

In some cases not taking this wisdom to mind - to understand first,  then to be understood - can lead to destruction of friendship and even harm family relationships. To keep things right, or to keep the ship from sinking, it is important to 'Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood'.

I do believe that this attribute or virtue is a Christ-like attribute. If you want to be more like the Savior, then listen.

It is the wise thing to do.